Paul Gadzikowski

And they both have five acts

2009-07-11T17:00:17Z

sensiblecat has a marvelous discussion of Children of Earth and King Lear.

Walking in Eternity 1/1; the Doctor, Sarah Jane, Luke; PG

2009-07-11T05:50:23Z

Title: Walking in Eternity 1/1
Author: scarfman
Characters/Pairing: Doctor Ten, Sarah Jane, Luke, cameos by Sarah Jane Adventures characters I've never seen any of yet
Rating: PG
Setting (spoilers through): Children of Earth: Day One
Disclaimer: This work is derivative of property of the BBC. No profit shall be made and no market of the owner(s) is infringed upon.
Summary: Everyone's wondering why the Doctor wasn't on Earth during the events of Children of Earth. I haven't seen anyone ask where Sarah Jane was. Actually they were both in the same place.
crossposted scarfman dwfiction

"Mum, I'm going to be late," Luke complained.

"Oi!" said the Doctor. "It's not every day you get a Time Lord making you breakfast."

Sarah Jane sputtered in her coffee, though she managed not to deposit any of it anywhere it didn't belong. "Doctor, on Earth that is an idiom you'd rather avoid in this context."

"Yes, ma'am," said the Doctor enthusiastically. Sarah Jane had no idea whether he knew what she meant, though if he hadn't he'd probably have asked. "How would you like your eggs, Luke? ...Luke?"

Luke was sitting staring straight ahead, completely unresponsive. It continued several minutes, to Sarah Jane's mounting panic, when suddenly it was over without Luke realizing anything had happened.

"What do you think it was?" Sarah Jane asked the Doctor sotto voce at the stove, once he'd finally got Luke's breakfast order.

"Petit mal seizure?" the Doctor guessed. "Something to do with his origin as a manufactured being?"

"Should we keep him home from school and run some tests in the TARDIS laboratory?"

"Naaaw, it's passed. After school is soon enough."

Breakfast passed without further incident, and the adults walked Luke to the sidewalk. Rani's father was doing the same for her across the street. "Surprised to see you," Sarah Jane said to Haresh, after introducing the Doctor, their two young charges hastening down the street toward school. "Luke said he was running late, yet here was Rani also just setting out."

"Yeah, it was the oddest thing," Haresh said, climbing into his car to start his own day. "She spaced out for a few minutes after breakfast."

"What time was that?" asked the Doctor, a little sharply.

"I don't know. About ten minutes ago. Snapped out of it though, right as rain now. Nice to meet you."

"That was the same time Luke -" Sarah Jane said - but Haresh had shut his car door and was starting his car, and the Doctor was halfway back down Sarah Jane's front path.

She found the Doctor washing the breakfast dishes without looking at what he was doing. "Doctor. You know what's going on, don't you?"

"They have no name for themselves. They temporarily adopt whatever working name the people they encounter have already come up with. Time Lords called them the Fog, though that's more a description of the atmosphere they live in. Earthpeople will only ever know them by their communication frequency." Heavily he described the next five days of Earth history for her as he dried the dishes and put them away. Then, to her consternation, he sat down to do the daily Times crossword puzzle.

"But ..." Rooted in front of the fridge, Sarah Jane felt like she was in a dream where no one else saw the obvious. "Can't you stop them?"

"Oh, yes," said the Doctor, his usual bright tones returned. "No trouble at all. A bit of magnesium in the tank and they'll get the message, Bob's your uncle.

"And then we can get in the TARDIS and rescue President Kennedy from his assassin! President Lincoln while we're at it. Might as well keep George II from falling off his horse and perhaps that whole nasty colonial revolution won't be necessary in the first place!

"Then we can smother Napoleon in his crib, convert Constantine the Great to Taoism instead so Earth civilization isn't so my-way-or-the-highway all the time, and steal Cain's axe so he has to think his way out of his problems." He gave her a wide, false grin and turned his attention back to the crossword puzzle.

After a moment Sarah Jane sat at the table with him. "Can we at least keep Luke safe? And Clyde and Rani?"

The Doctor didn't look up. "Oh, I'd love to hang around for a week or so, thanks for offering."

"And Maria?"

"Why I think a day trip for your young charges in the TARDIS to the Smithsonian is a fine idea. Actually, as long as we'll be getting them out of school at all, one day won't do it for the Smithsonian. You could get lost in there."

"I'll ring their parents."

fin

Arthur 7/10/09

2009-07-10T14:23:58Z

Here are cartoons from Arthur, King of Time and Space since last Friday. Fanfiction cartoons are on their annual summer hiatus.

Thanks for reading.

Gaslight

2009-07-09T22:50:29Z

I don't recall ever actually looking at the picture behind the cut in the post yesterday where I saw the post-a-picture-of-yourself meme, so I went back to look and now I can't find it.

Woo-WOO-woo-ooh.

scarfman @ 2009-07-09T08:31:00

2009-07-09T13:32:54Z

Happy belated birthday, vvvexation.

first time I saw this meme since I had a computer with a camera

2009-07-08T23:35:30Z

1.Take a picture of yourself right now.
2.Don’t change your clothes, don’t fix your hair…just take a picture.
3.Post that picture with NO editing.
4.Post these instructions with your picture.

Also, while I'm at it, J.D. Salinger breaks thirty years' press silence because he likes Terminator 4 (edit: link from tiggerallyn).

When asked what he thought of today's novelists, and whether he had plans to publish any new work, Salinger replied that he loved it when the helicopter crashes and John Connor gets grabbed by that terminator that's only half a torso, and then he blows it away with the mounted machine gun.

"But by far the best part is when they reveal the T-800 for the first time and it looks just like a young Schwarzenegger," said Salinger, his voice reaching a fever pitch. "I was like, 'Holy shit.' I guess they must've used CGI or something to get that face just right. But what a moment! I practically lost it, if you want to know the truth."

Besides setting the literary community abuzz, Salinger's decision to come out of seclusion has allowed scholars access to his massive archive of unpublished work for the first time. So far, critics have examined three never-before-seen novels, eight novellas, and more than two dozen short stories—all of which appear to be Terminator fan fiction.

"But make no mistake," said Salinger expert Professor Duane Hartworth of nearby Dartmouth College, "this is without a doubt the most personal and affecting body of Terminator fan fiction ever discovered."

Posterity 1/3; Buffy, the Doctor, Giles; PG

2009-07-08T22:59:40Z

Title: Posterity 1/3
Author: scarfman
Characters/Pairing: Buffy, the Doctor, Giles
Rating: PG
Setting (spoilers through): both franchises c.1998, just after Innocence
Disclaimer: This work is derivative of property of the BBC and Mutant Enemy. No profit shall be made and no market of the owner(s) is infringed upon.
Summary: Buffy has a mysterious visitor just as the Doctor arrives in Sunnydale chasing the oldest vampire ever.
Having been composed in 1998, this story predates and ignores anything from more recently produced screen Doctor Who which might suggest that Time Lords have family lives approaching what might be considered normal by the target viewing audience, a subject left unaddressed and ambiguous by screen Doctor Who previous to said composition. Also predated and ignored is screen Buffy the Vampire Slayer addressing the issue of how old the oldest vampires are and what happens to them when they get that old.
crossposted scarfman dwfiction buffy_fanfic crossing_who

The vampire charged the blonde. The time traveler struggled back to his feet whence the vampire had carelessly knocked him in its unexpected assault. The Doctor knew that ordinarily Julia was more suited to dealing with Ankhtutomen than he was. But the new vampire's sire was seeping in particles into the stone floor of this chamber in the pyramid whose construction his preying had suspended. He hadn't been an easy Slay for her; and Ankhtutomen was mad.

Julia flipped Ankhtutomen over and past herself with his own momentum. But she was tired; she dropped him right behind her instead of arcing him across the room, and she fell herself, on her back. Before the Doctor was even on his feet, Ankhtutomen had flipped himself back facing Julia and stunned her with a blow to the head.

"Because of you, I have no sire to mentor me," Ankhtutomen snarled, though the Doctor wasn't certain Julia was conscious to hear. "Let's see how you like it!"

The Doctor watched in horror as Ankhtutomen did to Julia what Slayers fear most.

The vampire charged the blonde. She flipped him over onto his back onto a nearby table. There was a small shattering noise and he screamed.

Buffy felt almost sorry for this one; she had him at a distinct disadvantage. When she'd heard the clattering in the darkened building she'd expected she was surprising a normal burglar, given the locale. She didn't know what sort of leftover habit or nostalgia might lead a newly-made (he had to be newly-made) vampire to break into a pizza restaurant after hours, but obviously he had forgotten or never known of the effect garlic would have on him.

While Buffy gave the place a quick visual scan for a weapon (since she hadn't expected a vampire, she'd left her bag outside to make climbing through the restroom window easier), the vampire writhed off the table and the garlic shaker his fall had broken. Buffy jumped and spun and swung a foot into the side of his face while he ineffectually tried to brush the herb flakes from the small of his back, but that only served to remind him she was there.

He picked up a chair - they had the classic ice cream parlor style - and swung it so hard at her that two of the legs splintered against one of the building's interior support posts when Buffy ducked in time. This gave Buffy an idea.

She dodged around to the other side of the post. Obligingly the vampire swung the chair at her again, and when it hit the post this time one of the legs nearly cracked free. She broke for the register counter, on the off chance that a vampire stupid enough to haunt a pizza place might still figure out, if she dodged back around the post again, that (or why) she wanted him to break the wooden chair into pieces. She vaulted over the counter and dropped behind it, moments before the chair came crashing down on the counter surface. The shattered leg broke off, bounced off the wall behind the counter, and dropped onto the floor right next to Buffy.

Buffy popped up from behind the counter just as the vampire was climbing onto it, awkwardly and relatively slowly for a supernatural creature since it hadn't put the remains of the chair down. The chair leg was in her right hand. Before the vampire could bring the chair around at her, she put its leg through his chest. The vampire screamed, and then burst into dust.

Buffy panted a few moments to catch her breath, then brushed the vampire remains off her clothing. "Hope the health department inspector doesn't show up first thing in the morning."

She left the restaurant through the same back window she'd entered, not sure whether going out the door might trip a burglar alarm, if there was one, that so far she seemed to have avoided. She bent to retrieve her bag and heard a soft male voice, "You are the Slayer?"

She dropped into a defensive crouch as she turned. "Who wants to know?" It was a good question; in the shadows behind the restaurant her inquisitor was impossible to make out. She had an impression of medium height and long, loose clothing, but all she could see - for a stray shaft of light fell across them, from no source Buffy could later identify - were his eyes.

His eyes.

His eyes were enchanting her.

They weren't human eyes.

"There's something I want you to do for me," said the soft voice.

"Shouldn't we stop by the library this afternoon?" Willow said as the students of Sunnydale High flooded into the halls from the classrooms in their daily liberation. "I mean, we haven't got together, all four of us, us and Xander and Giles, for more than a week."

"Oh, great, now there are mandatory weekly Slayer Scout meetings I have to work into my schedule," Buffy snapped.

No one, Buffy reflected again, does "kicked puppy" as well as Willow. "Oh. Okay. I just thought maybe there were things about being a Slayer's sidekicks that Xander and I could go over. Things that don't really come up in the middle of a developing crisis. How would we know?"

That was a point. "Sorry," said Buffy. "Bad time of the month."

"Is it?" said Willow. Buffy might've told her Christmas was going to be early this year. "Wonderful!"

"I didn't realize my biological cycles were so entertaining."

"Well, it's just that ..." Willow trailed off, the way she did when she had accidentally started talking about something she'd meant to keep to herself.

"It's just what?"

"Well, I was just wondering, and I didn't want to say anything, even to Giles who may or may not have known anyway, I mean it's something that's probably never ever come up before -"

Buffy wasn't in the mood to allow Willow her usual breathless attempts at obfuscation. "Willow, what?"

Willow sighed. "I was just worried that ... you might have got pregnant. With Angel."

"Oh, Willow. Vampires don't have functional gonads, they're dead! Angel told me before ... before the curse was lifted."

"Oh! Oh. ... Oh!"

"I suppose I should have told you. I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. You didn't know I was agonizing over it all by myself for ten days because I didn't want to worry you. Putting it that way hasn't make you feel better, has it?"

"I know what you meant," said Buffy, forcing a smile just so Willow would turn off the earnestness.

"Hey, Serena, Amy," Xander greeted them, catching up with them in the riverflow of adolesence toward the exits. "Listen, I had a crazy idea - maybe we could get together with Giles once and pick his archives about this little cooperative of hours without having to do it under emergency conditions."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Guess I'm outvoted."

"If you had other plans ..." said Willow.

"No. As a matter of fact," Buffy sighed, "I was going that way already. I have something to ask Giles about too." She just would have preferred to ask it alone.

Judging from the two stacks on his work table - one of new books, the other of fresh cards - Giles had just sat down to entertain himself with some cataloguing. He looked up, saw the three of them enter the library shoulder-to-shoulder, and paled. "What's happened?"

"Nothing," said Willow. She was beginning to sound like she wished she'd gone straight home after all.

"We're here to tap our resource, Giles," said Xander, turning a chair backwards and straddling it.

"We're here to become better Slayers," said Willow as she and Buffy took seats. "Well, better support Slayers."

"Oh. How refreshing," said Giles. "One rarely sees even you three here on a volunteer basis."

"We're yours today, big guy," said Xander. "Educate us."

"Yeah," said Willow, "what kind of training is there for the second string?"

Giles' smile began to fade away. "Oh dear. Um, I hate to disappoint you in your enthusiasm ..."

"You do?" said Willow, disappointed.

"Obviously I want you to be encouraged to come in at any and all times ..."

"But?" Xander encouraged.

"But," said Giles frankly, "there's no precedent for this situation. In all history no previous Slayer has ever had anyone but her Watcher privy on a regular basis to her secret and her doings."

Buffy felt a flush of gratitude for her friends that she couldn't entirely attribute to her hormonal state.

"Oh," said Willow. "Well," said Willow. "That's good too," she said brightly. "It means we get to set the standards."

"Perhaps you could write your own journals," Giles suggested, "for future Slayer, uh, cabals. That may not be the word you'll want to use, but you get the idea I'm sure."

"Yeah!" said Willow, enthusiasm returned. "We can record our experiences and write the training manual ourselves!"

Xander lowered his forehead onto the back of the chair. "When I walked in here, I didn't know it was to be assigned Slayer homework. 'What I Did At Night All This Year'."

Another time Buffy might have jumped on that line - heaven knows neither Willow nor Giles would - but not today. "I had something I wanted to ask you."

"Really," said Giles. "Two extracurricular, nonessential inquiries. Be still my beating heart."

"How long do Slayers live?" Buffy asked.

Giles got that expression he got when he knew he had to tell her something she wasn't going to like. Not that she was surprised. "How long?" he repeated.

"Do we live. Yes."

"Well, there haven't exactly been any statistical studies made. Or, none that I'm aware of. I suppose if we were still on speaking terms with Jenny - er, Miss Calendar - she could log on to the Slayer housepage and compile average and median figures in the wink of -"

"Giles," said Buffy. Willow and Xander were watching him now too. "How long?"

"Not long," Giles stammered. "Most are killed, or 'burn out', in a fairly short time after they become active. I'd say that, if you had stayed drowned, your tenure would have been just short of normal range."

"Way to bring the mood down, guys," murmured Xander, though softly enough that he must have thought no one would hear. Buffy took pity on him and Giles, and decided not to force the librarian to state the obvious corrolary - that Buffy was already living on borrowed time.

"That's why Slayership comes to the young," Giles continued. "Only at one's absolute physical peak can one stand up to the challenges. And that's why they're always women, whose psychic auras are twice as efficient, to accomodate multiple souls during pregnancy. Buffy, why do you ask?"

"I dunno," said Buffy, which wasn't the whole truth. She hemmed and hawed a moment, fishing for something she could say. "I've been thinking today about leaving behind some kind of legacy when I'm gone."

Giles blinked. "I must say I'm surprised. Most people don't develop an interest in their posterity until they're ... well -"

"Your age?" said Xander. "You know," he added a moment later, "maybe I should just wear flavored shoes." When they all looked at him blankly he rolled his eyes and explained, "For when I put my foot in my mouth?"

"Oh! Ha ha," said Willow. Xander hated having to explain.

"And I gather," said Buffy, surprised at how close she was being allowed to skirt what she couldn't say, "we don't ordinarily survive to have families."

"As a rule, no," Giles answered. "It may not be what you want to hear," Giles continued sincerely, "but the Slayer tradition itself is something to be proud of carrying on."

"I know," said Buffy. But she knew they could tell that it wasn't what she wanted to hear.

As soon as Buffy saw the stranger lurking in the following night's shadows, she felt the trance come over her again. She obediently went over to him in accordance with his instructions from the previous night.

"Have you considered my proposal?" said the stranger.

"Yes," said Buffy. "My answer is yes."

"Very well," said the stranger. "We will meet tomorrow night at this address -" He handed her a slip of paper. "- at midnight. I will be prepared then.

"As before, you shall remember that we have met, but no other human can know. You shall come meet me unacccompanied by any of them. But you will come only if your decision to cooperate has been of your own free choice and remains so."

"I understand."

The stranger moved off and vanished in the shadows. Buffy shook her head to clear it as the trance faded away again. She mentally tested her resolve, comparing its feel with the feel of the compulsion from the stranger's instructions. She could tell the difference between the suggestion (post-hypnotic, or enchantment, or whatever it may be) and the decision she'd made during the day.

She was going to go through with this, because it was what she wanted.

Giles smiled when the three of them entered the library together the next afternoon. "How good to see you again."

"I'm glad you're happy," said Buffy. "I'd hate to think that we can't go anywhere together without people thinking disaster will follow."

Without even a respectful pause after her speech the doors from the hallway banged open to admit someone else. The newcomer had only the appearance of a young man - for that matter, only the appearance of Homo sapiens - and wore a fancy suit some hundred years or so out of fashion. As was frequently the case when the time-traveler came into Buffy's life, he had a worried, urgent expression on his face.

"On the other hand," grumbled Xander.

"Doctor?" said Giles. "What's wrong?"

"Ankle," said the Doctor.

Since the word held no significance of disaster to Buffy she looked over to Giles. Giles had both paled and taken on the she-won't-like-this face. "Here?" he asked the Doctor.

"Here," said the Doctor. "Now. Close."

"I've got two of them," Buffy snapped. "What's the deal?"

"Ankhtutomen is the oldest surviving vampire," said Giles.

"He was made in Egyptian times," said the Doctor. "I was just then."

"He has a particular grudge against Slayers."

"One destroyed his sire just as he was made."

Battling British accents, thought Buffy.

"Ankle, as he is lately known," said Giles, "has accounted for more Slayers in the past three or four millenia than all other vampires combined."

"But," said the Doctor with reluctant import, "he doesn't kill them."

Dread crept over Buffy on little cat feet.

"Ankle," said Giles, "is known as the Sire of Slayers."

continued

scarfman @ 2009-07-07T08:36:00

2009-07-07T13:37:32Z

Happy birthday, drake57.

Recursion is a powerful mathematical concept

2009-07-07T12:58:15Z

Just now CNN did news coverage about the news coverage about Michael Jackson's death.

roundup

2009-07-06T21:21:59Z

I only recently learned that the internet idiom om nom nom nom is a transliteration of the Cookie Monster eating.
At the store I saw a cereal box with an offer for a Star Trek t-shirt, with the insignia over the heart. The one illustrated was red. Who would want a red one?
The problem with Men in Black II isn't that Will Smith couldn't carry a movie by himself without Tommy Lee Jones, cuz we all know he can. The problem was Agent K can't carry a Men in Black movie without Agent J. Unfortunately this is exactly the sort of thing that you can't know until you try it once.
Weird Al's Eat It video is artistry in slapstick, but there's none funnier than Chevy Chase's You Can Call Me Al.
[On my flist I was asked where my logon name comes from.] When I was a freshman at Northwestern I had a red scarf my mother had given me that I wore all the time. Sometimes my dorm buddies would call me Scarfman. One night late in the last quarter, on one of our excursions to the pizza place that didn't card, I lost it. It was replaced successively by handmade red scarves by my best friend from high school, my first lover, and my last lover (twenty-two year wedding anniversary next October).
In May of 1995 when my mother recommended the ISP in my town as the best deal she'd seen listed anywhere for us to get online, and the system asked for a logon of up to eight letters, scarfman was what I thought of. It remains my first choice for logon names to this day, though I have been known to go with sc4rfm4n if I must.
Torchwood: Children of Earth is airing in the US two weeks after it airs in the UK. I must now decide whether to read the spoilers on my flist.

scarfman @ 2009-07-05T19:04:00

2009-07-06T00:04:45Z

Happy birthday, prettydragoon.

worth repeating

2009-07-04T15:17:53Z

"The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America.

"When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. --That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security. —Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

"He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.

"He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.

"He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.

"He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.

"He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.

"He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the Legislative powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.

"He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.

"He has obstructed the Administration of Justice, by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary powers.

"He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.

"He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our people, and eat out their substance.

"He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the consent of our legislatures.

"He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil power.

"He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:

"For Quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:

"For protecting them, by a mock Trial, from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:

"For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:

"For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:

"For depriving us, in many cases, of the benefits of Trial by Jury:

"For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences:

"For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies:

"For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws, and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:

"For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.

"He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.

"He has plundered our seas, ravaged our Coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.

"He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty and perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.

"He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.

"He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages, whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.

"In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

"Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.

"We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by the Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these United Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor."

Arthur 7/3/09

2009-07-03T23:15:46Z

Here are cartoons from Arthur, King of Time and Space since last Friday. Fanfiction cartoons are on their annual summer hiatus.

Thanks for reading.

scarfman @ 2009-07-03T12:35:00

2009-07-03T17:35:53Z

Happy birthday, theferrett.

New hair. That's weird.

2009-07-03T04:06:16Z

Five lines from your own fiction meme

2009-07-02T22:29:53Z

Post five great lines of dialog from your own fanfiction.

The Doctor to Spock, on the prospect of a Federation noninterference directive: "No interstellar federation is an island, Lieutenant."
Zaphod Beeblebrox at Milliway's: "When I asked for volume three of the wine list, I was placing my order."
Angel: "If denial is a river in Egypt, Buffy has always been an Amazon."
Picard to Buffy: "No one stands alone against the forces of evil when the starship Enterprise is about."
The Doctor to Kirk: "Making a difference to only one person was never enough for you."

Bonus:

The Doctor: "Stupid, stupid, stupid. Why don't I listen to myself, when I know how clever I am?"

One Child Born 4/4; Lois & Clark, the Doctor; PG

2009-07-02T01:02:42Z

Title: One Child Born 4/4
Author: scarfman
Characters/Pairing: Lois & Clark, the Doctor
Rating: PG
Setting (spoilers through): both franchises c.1997, just after the Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman series finale
Disclaimer: This work is derivative of property of the BBC and Warner Communications. No profit shall be made and no market of the owner(s) is infringed upon.
Summary: Lois & Clark have had a baby left on their doorstep - but who is he, and what are they to do about it?
Having been composed in 1998, this story predates and ignores anything from more recently produced screen Doctor Who which might suggest that Time Lords have family lives approaching what might be considered normal by the target viewing audience, a subject left unaddressed and ambiguous by screen Doctor Who previous to said composition.
crossposted scarfman dwfiction crossing_who

1997

The Doctor hovered impatiently over the TARDIS console.

"If you can sense the interference in your past," said Superman, "why do you need the tracking device?"

"When you have a stomach-ache," retorted the Doctor, "can you tell how many feet down your digestive tract the trouble is?"

Superman was about to respond that he didn't get stomach-aches, but that if he did get one he would in fact be able to locate it as exactly as he wished; however, just as he decided that that might not be tactful, the console central column came to rest.

"We're here," said the Doctor.

Superman and the Doctor stepped out of the TARDIS. The landscape was utterly barren. The TARDIS had landed in the foothills of a mountain range. The sky was streaked with a sunset-rainbow of colors, primarily orange, which complemented the blue of the TARDIS. This though the sun was directly overhead.

"Where are we?" Superman asked.

"Gallifrey," said the Doctor. "Quickly!" He started off toward a little building about fifty yards off, shaped like an Eastern temple with a domed roof, at the very foot of a mountain.

In the house they followed the sound of a baby crying to an interior room. They found a man wearing orange and red robes of extraterrestial design in the same room as the baby's crib, sitting in a nearby chair. Superman recognized J.J. in the crib instantly.

Standing just inside the room, a transmat trail leading off him like a leash, head to toe in black as usual, the Master held his Tissue Compression Eliminator on J.J.

"It's all right." The Doctor sub-vocalized, knowing Superman would pick it up. "This must be the previous attempt Luthor said the Master made. We know we come through this."

In fact, almost before the Doctor had started speaking (or rather not-speaking), Superman was in motion. Before the Doctor had finished the second sentence, the Master was held off the ground by the collar in one of Superman's hands and the TCE was ground to dust in the other.

"Not recommended," growled Superman, blowing the remains of the TCE off the palm of his hand, "for children under 3."

"You musclebound idiot," barked the Master. "This is no business of yours!"

"It is now."

"Well, then I shall just have to enlist some expert help for my next attempt," sneered the Master. He slapped his left shoulder with his right hand, glowed red for an instant, and disappeared - Superman saw the converted energy zoom back along the path of the transmat trail.

"Let him go!" said the Doctor - now in the room too - before the Master was even all gone. "That's not what we're here for."

The other Time Lord - Superman, having known no Time Lords by name rather than by title, began thinking of him as the Father - was taking a good look at the Doctor. "You," the Father said. "Why are you here now?"

"At our first meeting," said the Doctor, "you spoke of role models."

The Father looked over to Superman. "Bravo," he said.

J.J. was still wailing. It was obvious to Superman that the baby needed nothing but to be picked up and held; and it was just as obvious that the Father had utterly no clue why the baby was upset, even though from the Doctor's report the Father had already raised at least one child. But now he got up and picked the baby out of the crib to give it to Superman. J.J. quieted almost right away.

The Doctor and the Father regarded the baby in Superman's arms. "He'll want to visit you, you know," the Doctor said to the Father.

"Why?" said the Father.

"Because you're his father and he has in him what you wanted him to have."

The Father was confused. "But I can't care for him. That seemed to matter the first time we met. I can't be the parent he wants. I don't have it in me. You know that or you wouldn't be here now."

"He knows," said the Doctor. "He doesn't care, really. He just wants to know you."

The Father shrugged. "He's welcome," he said to Superman.

Superman nodded. "For now I think we'd better get him home, though."

"Who was my mother?" the Doctor blurted.

The Father gave the Doctor an appraising look, then shook his head. "The time will come," was all he said.

The disappointment was obvious on the Doctor's face. "Well, let's go."

2015

"The doctor was visiting when I got home a minute ago," said John. "I think he said something to upset them. Ever since he left, they've been acting like ..." He searched for a simile, and when he found the right one, it shook him. "Like they're never going to see me again."

Father looked up at him at that. "One way or another," he said, "that is not true."

John thought about that as he watched the central column rise and fall. It was the same sort of cryptic comment Father always made when skirting the true facts of John's origins, not to mention his own. As the central column came to a rest and they exited the capsule, he made a decision. "Listen - I'm eighteen now, and a legal adult. I think it's time you told me who exactly I am - who you are, where you're from, and why you wouldn't have me live with you. The doctor's always said I would find out when I was an adult."

He trailed off as they stepped out into the living area of Father's house. There were three men waiting for them there. John had never seen anyone but his father in this house, nor met anyone else during his visits here, besides the hermit who lived halfway up the mountain in whose foothills the house rested.

These men wore robes stylistically related to Father's, but much fancier, and with unusual flaring headdresses that stuck up from behind their shoulders like headboards on beds. Two of them, one in black and one in green, had the same impassivity that Father always displayed, but the other was definitely angry about something. His robes were red and orange, like Father's, but his outfit was topped off with a sort of sash, and he carried a wand or sceptre.

Apparently the third had overheard much of John's speech. "Yes," he said, "tell us how this young one came to be."

"He is my son," said Father. "He is half Tellurian." John had heard Father use that word to mean 'human' before. "He has been fostered by the greatest hero in Tellurian history." So far Father hadn't told these men anything John didn't already know.

"How?" the spokesman snapped.

"I secured the donation of a Tellurian female zygote," said Father, "and combined it with mine."

One of the silent men, in green robes, seemed to be minutely shaken. "Do you mean," the spokesman asked, fully aghast, "that this child has genes from only two parents?"

"Yes," said Father.

"Who was my mother?" John blurted.

"That doesn't matter!" the spokesman shouted.

"It does to me," John retorted.

The spokesman's face hardened as, ignoring John, he faced Father again. "You are chief of eugenic services. A great trust is yours. You have betrayed that trust."

"On the contrary," said Father unmoved. "Our gene strains have become tired. They need revitalization. I am true to the spirit of my trust, and not the letter, which are at odds."

"What's this all about?" John demanded.

The spokesman turned to him. "You are not human. You are a Time Lord." Ah - so Them are Time Lords. Whatever that means. "This is the planet Gallifrey, where you belong, and you shall never leave it again. You shall be given a Time Lord name, and never use your Tellurian name again. You shall never see your foster family again. Nor most likely, depending on his eventual disposition, your ..." The spokesman almost spit the word. "Father."

John was stunned by this statement - but not by surprise: at the realization that he'd half expected it. The doctor had known. This was what had upset Mom and Dad. But Father had said it wasn't true that he'd never see Mom and Dad again, and Father never said anything he didn't know for a fact. Still, John didn't like it. "You can't do this to me."

"Do not argue with the Lord President of the High Council," said Father.

John was startled; Father never gave commands like - well, like a father. "You're just going to let them do this to me?"

"It is inevitable."

John clenched his teeth. "At least let me see my teacher again first."

"Your past life is over -" started the Lord President.

"He speaks of ..." Father pronounced a polysyllabic name that John had never heard before.

That got a reaction - from even the other two. The Lord President breathed deeply twice, then said grudgingly, "Very well. But do not linger."

John looked over to Father, who nodded. He left the house, heading up what he thought of as "the mountain in the back yard".

1997

"Next stop, a week ago," said Superman.

"Yes," said the Doctor, rolling the coordinate tumblers on the TARDIS control console. The console central column started moving, and the Doctor turned to him. "How are you doing?"

"I'm happy," said Superman, "and scared out of my wits. Of all the things I've ever done, parenthood is... Lois and I were already thinking about this, but we thought we'd have the normal nine months' warning."

"You'll do fine," said the Doctor. "To paraphrase something once said to me: one can't gripe much about one's upbringing when one likes so much how one turned out."

"Who said that?"

"My half-sister."

"Doctor, why did you say that this was a job for Superman, when you didn't know till we were on our way that J.J. was in danger?"

The Doctor folded his arms and leaned back against the console. "Someone once said, 'With great power comes great responsibility.' Now, you've thought of yourself as an Earthman all your life ..."

"I didn't know I wasn't an Earthman until I was grown."

"The first time we met, you said to Lois, 'Clark is who I am. Superman is what I do.' Superman needs to be more than just your night job."

"You know it means more to me than that," said Superman without rancor. "What are you saying? That I need to be Superman, I can't be Clark any more?"

"Of course that's not what I'm saying. You couldn't stop if you wanted to. That's why ..." the Doctor nodded at the infant in Superman's arms. "You think of yourself as Earth's champion - and that's true and just and should be. But Earth is only one planet. You can also be so much more, to so many more people. And you will be. You must be, if he is to learn from you what I have learned. I wasn't just blowing steam when I spoke to my father of role models."

Superman nodded. "I'll try."

"There is no try. You will. Just keep your mind open." The central column came to rest and the Doctor opened the doors. "Here we are, last week. Time for your stork run."

Superman looked from the adult to the child. He wrapped his cape around the baby for protection from the effects of high speed. He left the TARDIS, and was back empty handed inside of a second.

2015

John reentered his Father's house about two hours later, carrying a freshly picked flower. The Time Lords were standing precisely where he'd left them, but Father had taken a seat, and seemed surprised that John was back in little more than the time necessary for the round trip. "I'm ready to go," John said.

Father stood. When he didn't move toward John, John went to him and hugged him. The Time Lords made expressions of distaste.

"Have you anything to say?" said the one in the black robes to Father, obviously fishing for some sign of repentance.

Father thought a minute.

"Yes," he said finally. "His respect must be earned."

1997

"Our J.J.," Clark said - back in the present, after the Doctor had left. "Our J.J." Somehow it didn't quite fit.

"Our J.J." It wasn't striking Lois right any more either. "You know, it was one thing to give him a new, fresh name when we didn't know who he was ..."

"Who he's going to be," Clark said. "You know, most people get to imagine what their kid'll make of himself."

"Most people don't get picked by an intergalactic hero to be his parents, either. Hey," Lois said before Clark could respond to that, "that's almost what you did. When we were in 1966 you could've picked other parents if you wanted."

"The thought never occurred to me."

"Well, the option was still there. Q.E.D." But Lois wasn't done proving what made her the reporter she was. "We must be going to call him something else. Remember when the Doctor showed up and we called him J.J. - the Doctor didn't recognize the name."

"You're right." Clark found this an encouraging indication that he and Lois were already, instinctively, of their own free will, playing their correct roles in this time paradox of the Doctor's arrangement for his own upbringing.

"We're going to have to come up with a cover story too," said Lois. "Or hide him for nine months while I stuff progressively larger pillows down the front of my shorts any time I go out of the house."

Clark liked that prospect about as much as Lois evidently did - not at all. "Well, when I took him to Dr. Klein I told him the straight truth. Without mentioning our real names, of course. We could just say Superman found the baby and left him with us."

"I don't think your secret identity would survive public acknowledgement that we're raising a half-extraterrestial baby."

"Maybe not. Let's see. Mom and Dad know the truth." Jonathan and Martha Kent had extended their vacation in Metropolis when J.J.'d shown up. "Well, they will when we tell them what's happened today. Maybe we can say he's the child of out-of-town cousins who died in a car accident. That's one of the stories they were thinking of using for me, and we'll have my parents to back it up."

"All right. So what'll we name him? We can't call him 'the Baby Doctor'."

"'The Pediatrician'?"

"Yeah right."

"Hm. An Earth name for the Doctor. ... Something neutral - something universal. Generic, maybe."

"How about ... " Lois thought a moment, then smiled. "John Smith?"

Clark grinned. "Perfect."

fin

The third story in the Father trilogy is a Buffy the Vampire Slayer crossover and will start serializing in this space next week.

scarfman @ 2009-07-01T03:32:00

2009-07-01T08:33:08Z

Happy birthday, pete_wisdom.

mantle passed on

2009-06-30T04:02:34Z

Interesting that, just as SyFy is rebranding itself, BBCAmerica is promoting its new HD channel with Torchwood, Being Human and Doctor Who and calling it "the future of science fiction".

memed by qtrhorserider

2009-06-29T01:56:52Z

1. Your Middle Name: Gilbert
2. Age: 49.538
3. Single or Taken: That you know.
4. Favorite Movie: The Muppet Movie
5. Favorite Song or Album: presently, the Star Trek film soundtrack.
6. Favorite Band/Artist: Chicago
7. Dirty or Clean: What?
8. Tattoos and/or Piercings: None
9. Do we know each other outside of LJ? see 3
10. What's your philosophy on life? Don't worry, be happy.
11. Is the bottle half-full or half-empty? Half-full.
12. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest? That trick never works.
13. What is your favorite memory of us? What did we do today?
14. What is your favorite guilty pleasure? Secrets communites.
15. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you: You know all the odd/interesting facts about me.
16. You can have three wishes (for yourself, so forget all the 'world peace etc' malarky) - what are they? Health, bills all paid, see this journal entry
17. Can we get together and make a cake? Is this code for you're sending me to the store?
18. Which country is your spiritual home? The USA.
19. What is your big weakness? Reese's peanut butter cups.
20. Do you think I'm a good person? The best.
21. What was your best/favorite subject at school? English.
22. Describe your accent Median midwestern (?)
23. If you could change anything about me, would you? No.
24. What do you wear to sleep? see 15
25. Trousers or skirts? Guess.
26. Cigarettes or alcohol? Alcohol.
27. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together? (If you have no idea, just say something crazy, it'll entertain me!) Drive to Chicago to see the kids.
28. Will you repost this so I can fill it out for you? Done.

meme precognition

2009-06-28T19:31:39Z

From my lj, 7/20/06:

Five-geeky-things-I'd-like-to-see meme
Whole-episode flashbacks on Doctor Who to past incarnations, including ones who'd have to be recast.
Jason Lane and Richard White becoming mainstays of the Superman legend after debuting in Superman Returns (and sequels if any), as Jimmy Olsen did after debuting on radio.
J.J. Abrams' Star Trek being at least a recast and maybe a reboot of the original series.
The other two Firefly movies, in comic books if not on screen.
A King Arthur tv or movie series.

Batting four hundred!

of wanting to believe

2009-06-28T15:56:02Z

We saw The X-Files: I Want to Believe when scarfmom asked us to put it on her scratch tape. We liked it. What struck me most about it was that Scully is the dynamic character, the one who learns and grows; like the series overall and like my Doctor Who crossover.

scarfman @ 2009-06-28T03:49:00

2009-06-28T08:50:13Z

Happy birthday, westrider.

character meme seen at amberfocus

2009-06-27T13:58:14Z

Pick a character that I have written, or that you know I have substantial headcanon about, and ask any five questions about him/her. Be sure to specify whether you would like responses to be OOC (responding as the writer) or IC (responding as the character).

Finally 1/1; the Doctor/Peri; R

2009-06-27T04:12:28Z

Title: Finally 1/1
Author: scarfman
Characters/Pairing: Doctor Six/Peri
Rating: R for graphic but not explicit sex
Setting (spoilers through): Revelation of the Daleks - starts the instant after the freeze shot
Disclaimer: This work is derivative of property of the BBC. No profit shall be made and no market of the owner(s) is infringed upon.
Betareaders: bewarethespork persiflage_1 billfl purpleranger ladyrutile
Summary: Sequel to Redefined Image and Clueless; coda to Revelation of the Daleks. Peri and the Doctor begin a sexual relationship, which winds them both down enough that they finally begin talking.
crossposted scarfman dwfiction couldbeplatinum thesixthdoctor loves_them_all

"I don't want to go anywhere with you," Peri interrupted. She tromped off in the direction where they'd left their coats and hat.

"What are you talking about?!" demanded the Doctor. Peri responded with stony silence, pulling her blue coat and beret on and throwing his cape at him. He repeated the request, varying the phrasure to no avail, until they'd slogged all the way back to the TARDIS in the snow. Then she rounded on him just as they entered, nearly causing him to walk smack into her.

"I've been coming on to you when I have adrenaline to burn off ever since you groped my hair with your nose in the elevator that time -"

"'Elevator'? Oh! You mean 'lift'!"

"Shut up! -and you haven't paid me any attention! I've been screwing strangers when I wanted to screw you."

"Wha - You never said anything like that!"

"I shouldn't have to! You started it!"

The Doctor threw his hands in the air. "Why don't you just once say what you mean!!"

Peri grabbed the collar of the Doctor's cape and pulled his mouth down to hers. The Doctor kissed Peri back just as hungrily and demandingly.

They began an awkward four-step toward her room, pushing each other's clothes off in a trail through the console room and TARDIS corridor. Of course even with both of them in their blue winterwear the Doctor had more clothes on than Peri, by mass, number of separate articles, and variety of fastenings. Peri was still working on his when she was already naked, which gave the Doctor some time for pure groping at the edge of her bed while she finally worked his trousers off.

Finally naked, the Doctor pushed Peri onto her back on the bed, manually verified that physically she wasn't in need of further foreplay, and skipped it. The Doctor seemed just as badly in need of burning off adrenaline as Peri had ever been, and she met his thrusting with her own - first for the pleasure itself, then for the need of release. By chance or intent the Doctor's release came just after hers.

Afterwards they lay shoulder-to-shoulder on a bed that wasn't really wide enough for them both, bare chests heaving as they panted for breath. When she could speak, Peri said, "Is this going to change things between us?"

"I've no idea," gasped the Doctor. "It's different with all you girls."

"Do you sleep with all your traveling companions?"

"Some. You weren't the first and you shan't be the last."

"Planning to get rid of me already?" Peri tried to sound put out, but it was too difficult while breathing was still interfering with talking.

The Doctor turned on his side and looked at her. "Peri, you joined me on my travels as an alternative to a summer spent backpacking across Europe with two 'guys', whom you'd only just met, because they were 'cute'. Before I regenerated you thought I was 'sweet', and don't think I don't realize that was a large part of your reason for staying aboard the TARDIS. You have some maturing to do, and I've no doubt one of the things you'll outgrow is Peter Pan in a police box."

"Oh, you're not just Peter Pan."

"No, I'm a Time Lord, and that means my current life expectancy is about seven more lives than you have, even if you stayed with me as long as you lived. When I say there'll be girls after you, it's the simple if unfortunate truth."

Peri rolled onto her side next to him - there was room for both of them this way - and changed the subject. "I think this is the longest we've ever spoken without shouting at each other. You do like me, don't you?"

"Peri, I do not share the TARDIS or my semen with people I don't like. As for the shouting, I may be less inclined - or able - to keep my temper since my regeneration, but you're not half prickly yourself, depending on whether you've remembered to have self-esteem from one moment to the next."

"Why, you -!" Peri gave the Doctor a nudge which almost knocked him off the bed.

"Further on the subject of not shouting, it's also true that the post-coital humanoid body experiences a sort of lethargic state of comfort that -"

"Good grief, Doctor, if this is your idea of pillow talk, maybe I'll go back to the strangers."

"Perhaps you'd better distract me, then. I mean, you only have to look at me to see that, despite my previous orgasm and ejaculation, I'm not entirely sated."

"Fine. I'll reduce you from six-syllable words to mere vowels in minutes. Oof. Roll on your back, dammit, it's my turn to be on top."

continued?